5 Years

This December marked five years since Keith passed away. It's crazy how that can seem so far away in one sense, and in another sense, it seems like it couldn't possibly have been that long ago.

While we were in Tennessee, I went to visit Keith's grave. It was my first time to be back since we buried him. It may seem strange that I haven't been sooner. It's not that I don't think of him or miss him. I just know that he's not there. I can talk to him or think about him anywhere. I don't need to be at the cemetary to do those things.

As I was driving up, I couldn't help but remember riding in the car behind the hearse. That is one of those memories that will be forever etched in my mind. I remember fighting so hard to keep my composure, but on the inside, I was falling apart. Once I was there, I couldn't help but remember the moment when they started putting dirt on Keith's grave at the end of the service. I'm not sure why that bothered me so much, but it did. I remember telling my parents that I needed to get out of there. I remember sitting in the car waiting for other cars to exit, so that we could leave the cemetary and go pick up my precious six month old little baby.

As I sat at Keith's grave, I cried. I cried more that I have cried in a long, long time. I cried for the pain he endured. I cried for the times that I have missed his encouraging words or gentle touch. I cried for the family of three that is now a family of two. I cried for all the moments that he has missed with Lincoln. After I regained my composure and blew my nose (blowing your nose while wearing gloves is no easy task by the way), I went around and took some pictures. I know that at some point Lincoln will start asking questions. Since we don't live near the graveyard, I wanted to have a few pictures on hand to show him.

As sad as this moment was, I will say that as the five year mark rolled around, I was struck with gratefulness at how far God has taken me on this journey. God has brought a wonderful, Christian man into our lives. It seems a little odd to be sharing it in this post, but he is a piece of our story at this point in time. After losing Keith, I prayed that God would bring us a man who could allow us to love him along with loving Keith. While our relationship is just beginning (we've been dating for about 5 months), I've been amazed at the support and encouragement that he has provided.