It's finally Saturday. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to this glorious day. I always forget what the beginning of the year is like. I forget that their attention spans last for only 5-10 minutes at a time. I forget that they have no idea how to make or STAY in a line. I forget that they call me teacher, and if I do not respond right away, they say it again and again louder than the time before. I forget that some of the children test me over and over again because their parents aren't consistent with them at home. I forget that some children throw fits or start to cry when they don't get their way because that behavior has worked for them in the past. I forget that afterschool I feel like every ounce of energy has been drained from my body.

The past two weeks haven't been easy. Lincoln has done fabulous with the transition. I'm the one who is having trouble. There is always so much to do at the beginning of school. Each day I'm faced with the decision of:
1. Staying later than I would like at school.
2. Bringing work home and basically ignoring my child while I work.
I will stop here and say that my parents have been AWESOME. They have stepped in and helped. I feel like we practically lived there this past week. My problem is that I don't want to have to depend on them like that. I don't want to have to ask them if they can pick Lincoln up from school because I have another meeting. I don't want to be picking Lincoln up from their house after 5.

Right now, I'm struggling with the fact that MY child isn't getting the best of me. Life experiences have taught me that there are few guarantees in this life. I hate seeing Lincoln get "the short end of the stick." If there is ever a time when I question God as to why he allowed Keith to die, it's now and when Lincoln is sick. I've found myself looking up at the sky a few times this week asking, "Why?" I know that things will get better in another week or two. I am also confident that God is not finished working in our lives. I've just got to remind myself of that over, and over and over.

Well, my little dude finally woke up. I'm going to stop typing and start playing. : )

*Update*

I managed to survive the day. I'm happy to report that there were no "runners" and only a few tears. I did have one friend inform me that "school sucked" today. Man, those are some great words to hear out of a five year old's mouth! I'm afraid this friend is in for a rude awakening if he thought today was bad.

The Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day. In around 12 hours, I will be surrounded by a bunch of 5 year olds. Many of them will be a bit apprehensive. The funny thing is that their teacher is a bit apprehensive too.

I've got a cute outfit all ready to go. (I even made sure to pick out shoes that I could run in. You never know if you will have to chase down a child who decides that following mom down the hallway is a good idea. Don't laugh-I've done it before : )

A Week of Meltdowns

Apparently this is the week of meltdowns. I haven't had another one just yet, but I feel it coming on. I have to send Lincoln back to school tomorrow. I put it off as long as possible by letting him tag along with me as I've been working on my room this week. Tomorrow I have a meeting, so that's not possible.

Though I do enjoy my job, I love being a mom so much more. We have had such a great summer! I have loved spending time with him. I have loved watching him learn and grow. I realize that I can still spend time with him and watch him learn, but it's different during the school year. Instead of spending the bulk of my day with my little one, I spend the day with other people's children. While I'm teaching, other people are playing and reading and singing and interacting with my precious little boy. Though I know he is in good hands, it still makes me sad that those hands aren't mine.

Jealousy

In the months after Keith's death, and even during his illness, I struggled a lot with jealousy. I couldn't help but look at other families with babies Lincoln's age. I would watch the dads hold and love on their kids and wish that could have been us too. I'm not sure I can put the pain that I felt into words. Somedays it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and other days I felt a slight tug on my heart. Though I still struggle with it from time to time, it isn't near as bad as it once was.

I feel as though I've been struck in the head with the "jealousy bat" today. A family from church got positive results from a recent biopsy. My first reaction was joy. My second reaction wasn't pretty. That's right, it was jealousy. I couldn't help but wonder why we couldn't have gotten those good results as well. Honestly, I was, and still am, completely disgusted in myself for this second reaction. I hate the surge of sadness that comes over me in times like this. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!

Lincoln Stories

Lincoln still doesn't know how open doors. I'm sure he could if he tried, but he just doesn't seem to have an interest in trying. Yeah for me! Anyways, everyday when he wakes up, I hear him calling, "Mom, where are you?"

Last night we were making cookies. Lincoln was super excited! He kept putting his finger in the bowl to "taste." I told him not to do that several times because we needed to take some of the cookies to church. We even had a small discussion about germs, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't listening. Anyways, I stepped away from the counter for a moment to get something. When I turned around, I see my child LICKING the beater that is still attached to my kitchenaid mixer. AHHHHH! I couldn't get too mad because he did follow my directions. He didn't put his finger in the bowl. : )

On a side note, I did take the beater off and wash it before we proceeded in our baking. Also, the cookies will not be going to church as planned. Apparently we didn't get enough flour into the bowl because the cookies didn't bake up very well. Lincoln was in charge of dumping everything into the bowl. I found some behind the mixer when I was cleaning up. So, we will give it another try today. I think nap time would be a great time to make some M & M cookies. Don't you?

Randomness

The vacation posts are over. In fact, for all practical purposes, summer is over. Lincoln and I ventured to school on Friday. I worked on arranging the furniture in my classroom while Lincoln played. (That's the great thing about being a kindergarten teacher-I've got all kinds of things in my classroom to keep him entertained.) At this point, I'm not sad that summer is over. I love the beginning of school. I love planning for a new year. I LOVE setting up my classroom. I love thinking about my new friends and the journey that we will take over the school year.

This morning Lincoln and I were out of the house by 7:45. (I had make up on and everything.) I was impressed until I stopped to think about the fact that in a few short weeks we will have to be out the door by 7. But we won't think about that just yet. As we were on our way to eat breakfast, we drove past a big group of people who are training to run a marathon. Here I am driving with visions of bagels and pastries while people are running their hearts out. Nothing like a guilt trip on a Saturday morning. : )

After breakfast, Lincoln and I headed to the big store that everyone dreads going to on a Saturday. It was a GOOD thing that I was in such a wonderful mood after our delicious breakfast because apparently they are remodeling. I felt like we were on a treasure hunt. Do clothespins, magnetic tape, and glue sticks qualify as treasure?

Three posts in one day-this must be some kind of miracle. At this point, I am just putting off doing things around the house. I have a few more pictures to post, so I thought I might as well just finish it off tonight.

After dinner on Thursday, we walked across the street to the actual ocean. Zoe loved it! That girl knows no fear. She got swept up in a wave and went completely under the water. That was the end of her cute dress, but she was ready to hit the waves again. Lincoln on the other hand, didn't care for the waves. He did not like the sensation of the water drifting back into the ocean. I also think he was a little leery of the water after seeing Zoe get knocked off her feet. Lincoln pretty much had a death grip on me for a while. (You can see it in the picture where I'm holding both kids. He's even pulled his feet up so they don't touch the water.) Eventually, Lincoln was ready to give the ocean another try. The kids loved running away from the waves!



This is one of the few pictures we have of Zoe in her dress.

We were such a mess after this adventure! We were all wet and really sandy. Marie and I were a little ashamed to walk into such a classy hotel looking the way that we did.

Since we're stuck in the house because it's raining, I thought I would share a little more of our trip.

On Thursday evening, we got cleaned up in hopes of getting some cute pictures. The landscaping was awesome at the hotel! Of course the kids weren't feeling all that cooperative. Lincoln managed to fall and hit his head shortly after we started taking pictures. So you will notice a bit of bribery in the photos. We did manage to get some cute shots. : )

On Thursday, we headed to Galveston. Marie and I were really hoping that the kids would take a nap in the car because check in time at the hotel wasn't until 4. Zoe did fall asleep about 10 minutes from the hotel. Needless to say, we drove around a little longer so she could get a little nap. My child, on the other hand, did not sleep a wink.

As we were driving around looking for a place to eat lunch, my mind was busy playing out scenarios for what a day at the beach, without a nap, would look like. After imagining several unpleasant situations, I decided that it was time for Lincoln to be introduced to . . . caffeine. Here's a little confession-I filled my two year old's sippy cup up with Coke not once, not twice but three times. As I did this, I wanted to turn around and say to anyone who was watching, "Please don't judge me. I promise that I normally give my child milk and water to drink. You see, we're only going to be at the beach for two days. He didn't nap in the car, and he probably isn't going to get a nap at all today. This is our big vacation for the year, and I want us all to enjoy it."

We ended up having a great time! We stayed at the Moody Gardens Hotel. It is so nice! I admit that it was a bit of a splurge, but several attractions are within walking distance from the hotel. It was totally worth it! The only time we got in the car once we got there was to go to dinner.

In these pictures we are at Palm Beach. As far as I'm concerned it is the best beach ever-white sand and freshwater lagoons. They have a shallow area for kids, so Zoe and Lincoln were able to run freely between the sand and the water without us having to worry too much. The kids had a blast!

More Vacation

On Tuesday we went to the Children's Museum. It was SOOOO busy! Marie and I were overstimulated, so I can't imagine what the kids felt like. We found a quiet place to eat an early lunch. Then we let the kids play in the toddler area. We decided that we should have just stayed there the entire time. There was classical music playing in the background and no where near as many kids.



Zoe and Lincoln working the switchboard.









Going for a ride.


Checking out the baby chicks.








Making a Mexican fiesta. Too bad the food is fake!!!





On Wednesday, we just stayed around the house. We went to the park and the pool.

Off to the park







Lincoln shooting some hoops. He never managed to make a basket. Go figure!



Sweet kiddos

My friend Marie and her daughter Zoe came to spend the week with us last week. We had lots of fun! Zoe is two, just like Lincoln, so by the end of the week, Marie and I felt more like referees than moms. : ) Though we focused on doing activities with the kids, we also managed to sneak in some shopping. And best of all, Marie and I had some great late night talks.

On Monday we went to the zoo. It was HOT!



Posing on a turtle

Crawling through a tunnel

Watching the fish

Studying the map-I hope Lincoln inherits his dad's sense of direction!

Stay tuned. . . more to come

We've been busy "vacationing" with some friends this past week. Though we managed to have all kinds of fun, I'm way too tired to write about it now. Here are two pictures of one of our adventures.