Dinnertime Conversation

The other night we invited a friend over for dinner. We were all seated at the table, and we had just begun to eat when I saw Lincoln stick his finger in his mouth and "dig" around. Then he said, "hair." Now there are some words that only I can understand. Unfortunately, this was not one of those times. I really wanted to crawl under the table and hide. Instead, I tried to find what was bothering Lincoln. Thankfully, it turned out to be a piece of parsley. : )

We went to the zoo with my parents the other night. Lincoln was much more vocal on this visit. He made it clear when he was ready to move on to another animal.















Here he is with Pops looking at a monkey.















Lincoln and Meme posing with the lion




















Lincoln got to touch a snake!

Here is Lincoln telling me all about some animal. (I think it was a giraffe.)

A Glimpse into Grief

I was talking to a friend the other day who has just begun the journey of grief. As I talked to her, I saw myself a year and a half ago. Though I was able to identify with her, I also felt totally and completely helpless. Seeing her hurt has given me a taste of what it is like to watch someone mourn. It STINKS! I want so much to take her hurt away, but I know that I can't.

Throughout my journey, I have tried to share things that are helpful to someone who is grieving and things that are not. Through ministering to my friend, I've discovered/remembered a few more. I guess you could say that I'm at a crossing point of sorts. I have moved past what is defined as "active grieving," but I am not so far removed that I have forgotten.

I want to start with a few verses that I found on mourning:
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven . . . a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4-5

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

I have come to the realization that we (as people) have a very difficult time seeing others hurt. The desire to cheer someone up who is sad seems to be ingrained in us. I'm not sure that is what we are called to do though. The verse in Romans says to "mourn with those who mourn." It doesn't say cheer up those who mourn. There were times that I almost felt "hounded" to get out of the house. It seemed that people thought that getting out of the house would make me less sad. The truth was that I was sad wherever I went. Let me stop here and say that I am not advocating that one should never leave the house. I am just saying that there was a time when I had no desire to leave the house. I went to church, the grocery store, and that was about it.

Now you may be asking, "How long should the person be sad?" The verse in Ecc. says for a time. It's different for everyone. I can remember someone telling me that "it was time to move on" shortly after Keith died. I know that it must be very difficult to sit and watch someone hurt for days and even months. But that person is the one who must decide. It sounds weird to say that the person decides when to stop grieving. It's not like you wake up one day and say, "Okay, I'm done grieving" It's more of a gradual process. You slowly find yourself wanting to reenter the world.

So, I've told you to let the person be sad, and I've told you to give them time, but I still haven't told you what you can do to help. I came across a really neat verse in Isaiah. "As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." (66:13) As a parent, I can totally relate to this verse. When Lincoln is hurt, I don't say, "Hey, let's go to the park. It will make you feel better. You love the park." Instead, I pick him up in my arms, and I hold him until the tears are gone and he doesn't want to be held anymore. That is a true picture of comfort. I've thought of a few ways that you could provide that kind of comfort to a friend:
-Just offer to sit with them. Tell them that you would be glad to listen to them if they want to talk. (If they do want to talk, just listen. I know people are worried that they will say the wrong thing. Believe me, the best thing to say is nothing.) You can also tell them that it's okay if they don't want to talk. Maybe you could watch tv or a movie. Maybe you could just sit and read a book (to yourself) if they don't want to do that. The point is that you are blessing them with your pressence. You are showing them that you care.
-Instead of just dropping off dinner, ask if they would like you to stay and eat with them. Mealtimes are often lonely times.
-Offer to come and pick them up and drive them to church or other events. It was hard (and still is hard sometimes) for me to walk into places alone.
-Keep checking up on them. I realize that a grieving person isn't too much fun to be around. I also know that they may turn down your offers to do things. I would encourage you to keep asking though. (I'm not saying that you should pester them. If they say "no," don't try to talk them into it. But don't stop asking just because their previous answers have been "no.") When I reached the point when I was ready to "join the living" again, I found it to be really awkward. I knew that I had pushed people away, and I didn't really know how to let people know that I wanted to be social again.

I realize this is a super long post. God put it on my heart to share these thoughts. (I really tried to get out of this one. I've been dodging it for days.) Though I would prefer to just write fun posts about Lincoln and our adventures, I know that I have been called to do more. It is my prayer that someone out in "blogworld" will be blessed by what I have written.

A Trip to the Blueberry Farm
We went with my parents to pick blueberries one night this week.

Here he is checking my progress.

Who knew picking blueberries was such dirty work?????












All of mom's hard work paid off the next morning!

I have a recipe to share today. It is super easy and pretty yummy too.

Santa Fe Grilled Chicken Salad Wrap

4 c torn romaine lettuce

1 pkg Oscar Mayer Southwestern Seasoned or Grilled Chicken Breast Strips (I actually grilled my own)

1 large tomato, chopped

1 can corn, drained

1/2 c Mexican Style Shredded Cheese

1/4 c Ranch dressing

1/4 c salsa

8 flour tortillas

Toss lettuce, chicken, tomatoes, and corn in bowl; sprinkle with cheese.

Combine dressing and salsa. Pour over lettuce mixture; toss to coat. Spoon evenly onto tortillas; roll up.

(Next time I think I'm going to add black beans. : )

A Bike Ride with an Unexpected Twist

I decided that Lincoln and I should start going on a bike ride in the mornings before it gets too hot. I thought it would be great exercise for me, and Lincoln loves riding in his little trailer (or at least he did).

This morning we rode up to Lincoln's school to drop off a check, and then we headed to the park. We had not been there very long, when it started to rain. It just so happened that we were in the gazebo when the rain started. At first, I thought maybe it was just going to rain a few minutes and then stop. After a while, it was clear that it wasn't going to stop raining anytime soon. I loaded Lincoln in the trailer, and started peddling home. It should have taken us 15 minutes at the most. I'm pretty sure that it took longer considering the fact that I was being pelted by raindrops. When we got home, we were both SOAKED! I don't mean we were a little wet. We looked as if we had stood in the shower with our clothes on. Poor Lincoln was sitting in about an inch of water when I took him out of the trailer. The good news is that thanks to my baseball cap, my eye makeup was untouched by the rain. I may have looked like a drowned rat, but my lashes looked fabulous. : )

Well, we finally managed to make it to summer. YEAH!!!! Yesterday, Lincoln and I stayed in our pajamas until around 3. I am looking forward to being able to move at a slower pace. (No, we will not stay in our pj's every day.)

One thing that I love to do in the summer is rent movies. I should have many to look forward to this year because I don't think I have been to the movie theater since Lincoln was very small. I rented National Treasure 2 (I'm not sure that is the actual title.) It was good. I also rented P.S. I Love You. For those of you who know anything about this last movie, you might think I'm completely insane for renting it. It's about a 29 year old woman who loses her husband. Before he died, he wrote her letters, and they are delivered throughout the first year of his death. I had heard from other widows that the movie does a good job of portraying the journey of grief. Since I've always wondered what a grieving widow should look like, I decided to watch and see.

The thing that stood out to me the most was something that the husband wrote in one of the letters. He said he wasn't worried that she would forget about him, he was worried that she would forget the woman that she had become with him.

I will be the first to admit that it would be so much easier to become a bitter, old lady who keeps to herself. It's so much harder to "reenter the world." Lately I've been pretty frustrated with the person I've become. After talking to a friend on the phone yesterday, I realized that my timeline for recovering might be a little unrealistic. She said that someone told here the grief process often takes three years to run its course. My initial comment to that was, "Are you kidding me???" Her response was something like, "Well, you're halfway there." In some crazy way, that gives me hope. : )

It was the best of days,

It was the worst of days

*It was the best of days because I got to say "goodbye and have a great summer" to all 15 of my friends on my birthday.

*It was the worst of days because I had to come to work on my birthday, and I have to work two additional days this week.

Despite the fact that I had to work, the day ended well. Mom and Dad brought over cake, ice cream, and lots of fun presents. My favorite present was a gas grill. One of my goals this summer is to learn to grill. I have never grilled before, so it should be interesting. Dad worked really hard to put it together. Unfortunately, his little assistant wasn't so helpful. Lincoln lost a few pieces in the grass.

Lincoln was especially happy this evening. I decided to try my hand at taking another video. Why is it that the moment you pull out the camera, they just stop and stare???

Since this is my baby book, here are a few things I want to remember:

-Lately, Lincoln has been very particular about how he leaves his bed in the morning. He pushes his blanket and cat to the left side of the bed. Then he places his pillow on top of his blanket. Next he turns off his lullaby music. I'm not sure where he got that from. His mom is very bad about making her bed!!!

-Lincoln no longer gives wet, sloppy kisses. While it is nice not to have to wipe my face after he kisses me, there's a little part of me that is sad because he is growing up.

-One of his favorite phrases is "all right." I know exactly where he got it from. I just think it is sounds funny coming from a two year old.