I ran to Wal-mart this morning to pick up a few things. I decided to stop by the toy section and get Lincoln a few things for Christmas. When I went down the aisle with toys appropriate for his age, I found that they did not have any of the toys I wanted to get him. I almost had a breakdown in the store. Here it is almost Christmas, and I didn't have a single toy for my precious boy. Luckily, I found something else, so that crisis is solved.

Today I was reading through some papers from social security, and one phrase really stuck out. "Marriage terminated due to death." It is weird to think that I'm not married anymore. In my heart I am. I still wear my ring. It just doesn't feel right to mark "widow" on forms. I doubt it ever will.

I'm not as emotional about all of this as I thought I would be. Throughout the day there are constant reminders of Keith. I see his clothes in the closet. I see his car in the driveway. I see his messy desk. Though these reminders make me sad, I'm not sad for long because a picture of Keith comes into my head. I wish that I could say that I picture Keith when he was healthy and feeling good, but this is not the case. When I think of Keith, I picture him in his last days. He's laying in the hospital bed. He's hurting and so tired of fighting. I'm not sad for long because I know without a doubt that he is in a better place. Though I miss him terribly, I am so grateful that he did not have to suffer long. I am so glad that he is in a place where he will never have to see the doctor or hear bad news.