I'm not sure how anything good can come out of what has happened to us. I know that God has a plan. I just wish He would let me in on it.Maybe one day my experience will help someone else. For that reason, I am going to try to provide glimpses into what it is like to lose a spouse.
Today is Sunday. Under normal circumstances, I would be going to church. I just can't do it today. Keith and I always went to church together. It is going to be so hard to go alone. So I will put that off for another day.
I feel numb. I feel like this is all a horrible dream. Sometimes it seems like Keith is just in the other room, and he'll walk in to the living room at any moment. I know that seems silly. Afterall, I just spent the past several days watching him die, but the person in that bed wasn't "my Keith." That person was hurting and suffering. That person barely responded to my voice or touch.
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8 comments:
Please also know that North Atlanta CofC has you and Lincoln in our hearts and prayers.
Thank you for showing us your strength, love, and hurting. You will be a wonderful testimony for someone else who will unfortunately go through this some day. I wish so much that you would not have been the ones to go through this, but I have to believe that the Lord does have a grand plan for you because of your faithful service to Him. We will probably not be able to be at the service but please know that we are thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you.
I know that whatever word of condolence I (or anyone else who knew Keith) offer at this point will likely seem rather trite and ineffectual. All I can say is that those of us who knew Keith, though we cannot know your suffering, grieve with you.
I feel like a book recommendation may seem rather trite, too, but in reading your post this morning I was reminded of C.S. Lewis's A Grief Observed, which he wrote as journal entries in the months following his wife's death. It's one of the most devastingly honest, heartbreaking, but ultimately quietly uplifting expressions of grief ever written by a Christian.
I, my Bible class, and prayer group are all praying for your and Licoln's comfort.
Autumn
Stephanie- We love you so much and we are so sorry you are having to go through this! We know Keith is living it up in Heaven gaming and whatever else makes him happy! Even though we are sad we know that we will meet up with him again in Heaven someday!
This morning our church as well as our bible class lifted you and Lincoln up in prayer. We will continue to pray for God's peace and strength to be upon you.
Even though we will not be able to be at the services we will be praying at those times for you and all your family.
We love you both so much!
John, Sarah and girls
We wish we could take away your pain Stephanie...we are praying for God to show you the good in this...I can't imagine how you feel and don't want to pretend I do...you are loved...very loved.
In Him,
Tamara & Jesse Cosby
Stephanie, you are teaching us readers to be grateful for health and for everyday that we have together. Not sure why that is easy to take for granted sometimes, but your story has been an eye-opening gift to our house.
Hurting for you and Lincoln,
Amy
I graduated in 98 from Harding, too, and only met Keith a couple of times while I was there. His passing, though, reminded me of one of my favorite poems. (I don't know who the poet is or anything)
My life is but a weaving between my God and me.
I do not choose the colors, He weaveth steadily.
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper and I the under side.
Not til the loom has silenced, and shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hands
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
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