How do you help someone who is hurting?

I think people don't know what to do. I know I wouldn't have known what to say or do before we dealt with this. I will say this, there is very little that you can say to comfort someone. Often people say things with the best of intentions. It is not comforting to hear that God needed Keith. It is not comforting to hear that this is God's plan. It is not comforting to hear that I'm going through this so I can help someone down the road.

When Keith was diagnosed with cancer in 2004, I taught a lesson on this very subject. I obviously studied the book of Job when I was preparing my lesson. I looked at how his friends responded to Job. When they first arrived, they sat on the ground with him. They didn't say a word for 7 days. It was their presence that was a comfort to Job, not their words.

The following is a journal entry that I wrote in November of 2004:
"Whenever I talk about Keith, people are always so positive. It is almost as if they minimize what we are dealing with. I walk away from those conversations feeling like I am making a big deal out of nothing. Like I'm all stressed and concerned over something that is not a big deal.

I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day, and she made it clear that it is a big deal. She said that it really stinks that we are having to go through this. Though I wouldn't want to dwell on how terrible this is all the time, sometimes you can't help but think about it. I feel like I have recognized those feelings and now I can move on."

This week I have cried a lot. I have taken time to remember the old Keith. I read through old letters. I even watched our wedding video. Though this week has been hard, it has been so good for me. The weeks following Keith's death have been so busy. It is crazy how many things must be done when someone dies. I've gone to three separate banks, talked to social security on several occasions, sorted through Keith's things, worked on the house, the list could go on and on. Though I have managed to get several things done around the house this week (thanks to some great friends), the best thing has been the time that I have spent alone. I know that I can't do this forever, but I don't feel that it is asking too much to have this week to focus on my grief.