I have been thinking about this post for a while. It's a practical one. Though it would be easy to skip over this one, I hope that you will read it and talk to your spouse or a family member about these things.

Keith went downhill quicker than anyone expected. There are several things that I wish I would have talked with him about. I have provided a list below:

-I wish that we had talked about what he wanted in regards to a funeral. I knew that he wanted to be buried, but that is about it. I didn't know songs that he wantedto be sung or scriptures that he wanted to be read. It is so hard to plan a funeral! I know it is hard to talk about this, but it will help your loved ones to know your wishes. Part of me wondered if Keith would have been pleased with his memorial and funeral. It is silly. The services are really for the living, but so many of your feelings and emotions are not logical during those first few days.

-I wish we would have spent more time getting financial stuff in order. If we would have done it beforehand, it would have been one less thing that I must do now. Make sure your beneficiary information is correct. Make sure you have a list of all the places where you have money (savings accounts, money market accounts, IRAs, stocks, etc.) If one of you pays the bills, take the time to show the other spouse how to do that. Also if you have passwords, make sure that you share them.

-Keith started a letter to Lincoln, but he never finished it. That really bothers me to this day. I would suggest keeping a journal or writing a letter to your child each year on his birthday. You never know how long you will be on this earth. Even if you live a long, healthy life, that would be something wonderful that your child would enjoy reading when he gets older.

-There is something that we did do right. We were good about saving money. I have not received any money since Keith's death, which was almost two months ago. Yes, Keith had a life insurance policy. I'm working with them, but it takes time. I have not seen a dime from social security either. Please don't feel like this is a plea for money. We are fine. I promise. I share this because I don't think there are many people our age who could live for several months without a paycheck. Please, please, please start putting a little money into savings. You never know when you will need it.

-Keith and I talked about quality of life. It was important to him that he was not a burden. He said that when he could no longer take care of himself that he wanted to go. I think the majority of us feel the same. It would also be good to have a living will. (I think that is the right document.) Talk about what you do or do not want done.

This is all that I can think of for now. Like I said, it isn't fun stuff to talk about. Take an evening and discuss these things if you haven't already. Though I wouldn't wish my circumstances on anyone, the truth is that we are all going to die. Grieving is hard enough without the mess that comes with it!