I've been feeling "blah" this afternoon. Lincoln and I went to two baby showers this weekend. I think part of my "blahness" is jealousy. I can't help but look at both of those girls and be a little jealous. Though I want to be happy for them, part of me just can't go there. Both of these girls have gone through so much to get receive these little blessings. I'm not envious of the trials they both had to endure. I'm just jealous of their precious families. I hate that. I hate that I can't be happy for others without feeling somewhat sorry for myself.

While I was driving home last night, it occured to me that the grieving process is like peeling an onion. There are many layers. There are many things to mourn. Obviously I am mourning the loss of Keith and Lincoln's dad. I find that I am also mourning other things. Our lifestyle must change. Our living situation and location are going to change. Our church home is going to change. I could list more, but you get the picture. It's hard to believe that one event could cause so much change.

It's been a while since I have been specific about my prayer requests. I ask that you pray that God will continue to heal my heart. I have been so lonely lately. Being around friends doesn't really help. It is a distraction, but the pain is still there. I'm also struggling with how to act around others. If you were to see me on the street, I don't think you would have any idea that I am grieving. (In my mind someone who is grieving would be crying all the time. Maybe she would even be disheveled from time to time. I don't know, maybe that picture resembles an unbeliever.) I know that everyone grieves differently. I guess I said all of this to ask that God will continue to guide me through this process and that my focus will be on my healing rather than on what others may think.