I've noticed lately that I'm more of a pessimist than I used to be. I'm not saying that I was the most optimistic person ever before Keith got sick. It would probably be more accurate to say that I'm a realist. Now, I find myself thinking the worst. For instance, I knew that my sister in law was scheduled to have the c-section at 9 this morning. After two hours had passed, I started to worry that something went wrong. I finally gave up and called Keith's mom at 11:30. (Please don't think I'm complaining that no one called me. I remember how crazy everything is after a baby is born. I know someone would have called. I'm not upset or offended.) Also, sometimes I see families who are so happy. It seems like everything is so wonderful for them. I have found myself thinking, "You're turn is coming." Man, that sounds awful. I sound like the wicked witch. "Just you wait!" (cackle, cackle)

I don't particularly care for this new trait. I know that my life experiences have changed me. I will never be the same Stephanie that I was. In many ways, that is a good thing. I think that I am more compassionate than I once was. I am also less selfish. I have learned to be more dependent on God and less dependent on myself. The fact that I'm more pessimistic, isn't so great. I'm hoping that my view of the world will be a little less negative with time.