I know people are concerned about me and how I am dealing with this. In all honesty, I think I'm doing pretty good. When something reminds me of Keith, I allow myself time to be sad. Sometimes I shed a few tears. Sometimes I don't. Then I pick myself back up and put my mind on something else. Do I feel sorry for myself sometimes? Yes. I hate where I'm at. I hate that I'm single again. I hate that I'm a single parent. I hate that Lincoln isn't going to grow up truly knowing Keith. I hate that I have to go back to work. I hate so many things. I could become bitter. I think most people would understand if that is the road I chose to take. It would be so easy to convince myself that God doesn't care. Afterall, look at my life. At 27 my husband was diagnosed with cancer. At 29 I watched as my 30 year old husband's body and mind withered away. It's not the fairytale life that every girl dreams about.

Instead, I am chosing the more difficult path. There is a verse in Job that became Keith's mantra, "Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him" Job 13:15. This verse has taken on a new meaning for me since I lost Keith. It was hard when Keith had cancer, but I always had hope that he would beat it. Now that Keith is gone, I admit that it is more difficult to put my hope in God, but I am doing my best to do just that.