I've been overcome with sadness this afternoon. I can't help but think about the fact that we should be celebrating Keith's birthday tomorrow. Today I should be busy making a chocolate pie. (I have to admit that I haven't perfected the skill of making a fabulous chocolate pie, but it was Keith's favorite.) Thinking of chocolate pie reminds me of the fact that my grandma made two of them for Thanksgiving this year and brought them to our house. Normally Keith would have consumed one pie by himself. Of course this year was different. Thanksgiving Day was the day when one of the nurses said Keith wouldn't be with us much longer. That is the day when I called his parents and brother to tell them that it was time to come and say goodbye. I seem to be troubled by the domino effect today. One event reminds me of another, and none of the memories are ones that I wish to dwell on.

I miss Keith. I can honestly say that I've come to accept his death. I don't expect to see him walk in the door. I don't think about setting him a place at the table or buying him something at the grocery store. Now I just miss him like you miss a friend that you haven't seen in a while. The other night he was in my dream. We were just talking. I miss that.

I've thought a bit today about how I want to treat Keith's birthday in the future. Once Lincoln is old enough to understand, I want to make it a special day. It seems silly to make a chocolate pie and cook one of Keith's favorite meals tomorrow. Someday I hope that I can do those things. I hope that we can sit and look through pictures and take time to remember a very special man.