It's been a while since I wrote about where I am in the grieving process. I thought about Keith a lot while we were away. I'm sure it had something to do with me not being so busy. More than anything, I miss his presence. After Keith died, I often found myself thinking "I can't wait to tell Keith that." A few seconds later I would remember that Keith was gone. I don't do that anymore. Instead, I feel a great void. For instance, I wished he could have been there to see Lincoln "hunt" for Easter eggs. It is hard to have special moments and not think about him and wish that he was there too.

I'm dreading the next two months. We found out Mother's Day weekend of last year that Keith's cancer was back. Talk about a holiday I don't really feel like remembering. Then there is Lincoln's birthday. How are we going to celebrate without Keith? Then in June I will turn the big 30, and Keith won't be there to harass me. Our anniversary was also in June. It's times like these when we should be making memories as a family-the three of us. Instead, it is just Lincoln and I. Yes we have family and friends around, but it just isn't the same. (If anyone has a time machine out there, let me know. I would like to skip over the months of May and June. :)

I would like to think that the hardest days are behind me, but it doesn't seem that way. In some ways, it seems like it is getting harder. Not only do I have to face days that should be special, but I also have to think about getting a job, selling the house, moving, going back to work. . . I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed to say the least. Though I know that God is going to take care of us, it is still hard.