We're coming up on the anniversary of Keith's diagnosis. I'm not sure of the exact date that we found out the cancer was back. I know it was the Friday before Mother's Day, and that is enough. Mother's Day will be forever linked with that news. There is no reason to ruin another day.

It's hard not to think back on where we were then. I was 9 months pregnant. We were eagerly awaiting little Lincoln's arrival. His room was ready. His clothes were washed. We had attended the birthing class. All we needed to do was pack our bags and put the car seat in the car. Then our world came to a screaching halt.

As I think back over this past year, I will say that I have very few regrets. I obviously wish that Keith was well and still alive, but I'm even hesitant to say that. If it meant that he would have to face cancer for a third time, I would take that wish back. Dealing with cancer once was hard. Keith even had a hard time after the treatments were completed. Everytime he would get sick or start to hurt, he couldn't help but wonder if the cancer was back. That is an awful way to live. It would be so selfish of me to wish that on him.

I don't regret any of the treatments that he did. We had to try something. He didn't just want to give up. When we found out that the treatment was not working, we stopped and did not try anything else. I'm grateful that we made that decision.

I don't regret that he went quickly. Once he found out that the cancer was not responding to treatment, things went downhill very fast. I do wish that I would have realized what was happening sooner than I did. There were so many things that I would have liked to talk to him about. The important thing is that we talked about what mattered. He knew that I loved him. I knew that he loved me.

I don't regret the times when we were on our own just the three of us. Was it hard? Yes. It is hard enough taking care of a newborn. I was faced with taking care of Lincoln and Keith. We had a lot of visitors during those six months. Though I was and am still grateful for everyone who came, I will say that I could not have handled having more company than we did. We needed that time as a family.

As I sit and think about this, I can't help but think about what I am grateful for as well. I am grateful that we were given two years after Keith's first round of cancer. That time will always be precious. We were also in a much better place financially than we were the first time. I am obviously very grateful for our sweet baby boy. I am also grateful to all our family and friends who provided us with support. Whether it be meals, gift cards, rides to the hospital, etc., you were all so good to us. There is no way that we could have done it without you. (By the way, I'm really behind on thank you notes. If you haven't received one yet, just know that we appreciated everything that you did. : ) Most importantly, I am thankful to God for seeing us through this time. Though I don't (and probably never will) understand why all of this had to happen, I know that He has never left my side.