I really appreciate the comments that so many of you post. It encourages me greatly to know that people are praying for Lincoln and me. I honestly don't know how people survive tragedies without the support of believers.
I'm hesitant to type what I'm about to say, but it's been eating at me all day. Someone commented on my last post saying that I'm only half a mom right now. I don't think I know the individual that wrote the comment. I know that you meant good, but it really bothered me. I feel like I have given Lincoln my all. I'm far from being the perfect parent, but I have made a huge effort to be a good mom despite all that has gone on. Our house is a happy house, and it always has been. From day one I have sung to Lincoln, played with him, held him, talked to him, etc. I did these things when Keith was sick. I did these things when Keith was dying. I have continued to do these things each and every day. I know I sound really defensive. I'm not sure why I felt it necessary to defend myself. I guess I just feel like being a mom is something that I've actually done right.
I also think it is totally natural to have the feelings and emotions that I have right now. Keith has only been dead for 9 months. Our life is moving on slowly. Lincoln and I moved to be closer to my parents. I got a job. In my opinion, those are two huge steps! I know that I can't sit around and be sad forever. (I don't even feel that I do that now. For the most part, I'm happy. There are just moments every now and then when I get upset.) At the same time, I know it is important that I work through my grief. If I rush it, I will just have to revisit it at a later date.
Now that I've scared everyone off from ever posting a comment again, I thought I would share a few things about Lincoln. He can now say "pops" (what he calls my dad), uh oh, and tonight I think I got him to say bubble. Last Sunday at church, the preacher asked a yes/no question during his sermon, and Lincoln said in a nice, loud voice "ya." Today I was taking him out of church because he was having trouble being quiet, and he said "bye" as we were walking out. The kid loves to dip his food these days. He will dip just about anything in ketchup. : )
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23 comments:
Lincoln has the PERFECT, God-ordained Mom. No one else could fill your shoes. Know that many, many of us, your friends, admire you and pray for God's continued enablement that He has so graciously bestowed thus far.
Ok...that is a strange comment all in itself...as I see you as 150% mom...I have issues and have not been through what you have been through. You are a fabulous mom and I am always uplifted by reading about Lincoln's accomplishments...you are doing a fabulous fabulous job!!! God does not make mistakes!!! I'm with Ron!
unfortunately, as we have both learned, lots of people care but they can say some of the stupidest things. i wish i was still ignorant of what not to say!
Hey Stephanie!
I have been reading your blog and praying for you for a while now...but never have left a comment. I am amazed by you and your willingness to share with everyone. I know you are doing a fabulous job with Lincoln! My mom said he was the happiest little man she has been around when he came over in Abilene. Hope this school week goes smoothly!
Michelle Smith
Stephanie - I have never left a comment but have read your blog for months through the Jennifer Ireland blog and I live in Kansas City. You have been an inspiration to me and I can only think of what an extaordinary mom you are. I have two kids, I work full time too, but I have a husband to help me out. I know how hard life can be, I know how hard it can be to work and balance being a mom, so I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Never let anyone give you doubt about how great of a mother you are and never feel like you have to defend yourself. I pray that you find the peace that you need.
Stephanie, although we have never met, like I have said many times before it is so easy to see that you are a wonderful mother to Lincoln. I come here to read updates on you and post some words on encouragement and many times your words encourage ME! I get down and out over such little things going on in my life and then I read your blog and realize the hearache you are going through. You amaze me with your words...so honest and real. I love that about you. I want you to know that I truly pray for you every chance I get. I try to not ever forget you or Lincoln when I pray. I don't know you personally but God knows exactly who I'm talking about when I pray to Him. I hope that you can feel all the prayers going up for you daily!
Thanks for your honesty Stephanie. Your openness and courage are so inspirational. And anyone who knows you knows that you have NEVER done anything less than whole-heartedly. Lincoln is so lucky to have you as his mommy.
Stephanie-
I just caught up on your last two posts and what has been going on with you and sweet Lincoln.
Ever since I have known you, you have always done your best at anything and everything that has come your way. When we were in college, I can remember the awesome projects that you did, setting the bar extremely high for the rest of us. Just last week, I was telling someone about the amazing meal you brought us after Major was born, complete with homemade black bean salsa and guacamole. You put so much thought into everything you do. I know that you are putting so much more of that same energy, thought, and prayer into being a mother to Lincoln. I have no doubt that you are an extraordinary mother to him, even amidst this rough time. You never do less than your best.
Thank you for continuing to be so open about your struggles, as it helps us to know exactly what to pray for. We love you and are praying for you!
Stephanie,
As I started this year as a mentor to another teacher, I was remembering back to the year that you were my mentor. Although we have not stayed in touch, I have read your blog and you are still a mentor to me in so many ways. You strength and vulnerability to put yourself out there and accept help from those around you is wonderful. I think of you often and hope you know that you have made a huge impact in so many lives by sharing your story. I miss your smiling face at Gray and I do believe there is more wonderful things in your future. Stay strong and thank you for being a mentor to me.
DeeAnna Sellards
Stephanie,
I have been reading your blog for a while (I guess since you started Jordan's) and my heart has broken for you...NO ONE can understand the pain of losing a loved one, even if they have lost the same one (their spouse, their mom, etc.)...we just don't all greive the same way. Regardless of that, I think it's AWESOME and SUPER healthy that you write a portion of your grief here...your honesty is SO refreshing, and seriously the meaning of the church. How can we truly pray for and love one another deeply and wholly if we're not honest about our pain? I'm in constant admiration of you and KNOW that Lincoln is an INCREDIBLY blessed little boy to have you as his Mommy!!! Keep it up...I long to be as strong as you are!!!
-Julie (Thyssen) Cheshier
HANG IN THERE GIRL, AS I CONTINUE TO READ YOUR POSTS REGULARLY AND PRAY FOR U AND LINCOLN IT TAKES ME BACK NEARLY 9 YEARS WHEN MY HUBBY PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 40 AND I WAS 38 AND RAISING CHILDREN AGES 4, 11 AND 12. IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES READING YOUR PAIN AND KNOWING SOMEONE ELSE, MANY OTHERS HAVE HAD TO SUFFER SUCH PAIN IN THIS LIFE. HANDLING THE SOCIAL ASPECT OF OTHER COUPLES SHARING LIFE AND LOVE AT EVERY TURN, HOLDING HANDS, HUGGING AND HAVING SOMEONE TO BE THERE EVERY TIME U NEED THOSE HELPING HANDS OR UNDERSTANDING HEART THAT IS ALWAYS ON YOUR SIDE IS SO VERY DIFFICULT TO LOSE BUT BE GRATEFUL DEAR ONE THAT U HAVE THE STRENGTH TO GO TO THAT BIBLE STUDY CLASS...WE SHARED SUCH FAITH AND CHURCH LIFE I FOUND THAT VERY DIFFICULT TO RETURN TO AS WELL...BUT OUR FAITH GETS US THRU...ONE DAY AND ONE STEP AT A TIME WALKING FOR THE LORD AND CLOSER TO HIS HEAVENS....LITTLE LINCOLN HAS " THE BOMB" MOM AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY U HAVE COME A LONG WAY BABY...EACH SMILE THAT LINCOLN GIVES U IS YOUR STRENGTH TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD IN THIS LIFE AND KNOW THAT THERE IS OTHER LOVE AND LIFE FOR YOU THRU THIS WIDOWHOOD. THERE IS A RAINBOW OUT THERE FOR US AND AS WE CLIMB THAT WE FIND POTS OF GOLD ALONG THE WAY..THESE POTS ARE FILLED WITH DREAMS, LIFE AND LOVE SO TAKE ONE AT A TIME...STEP BY STEP AND KEEP THE FAITH AND LIFE WILL BE BETTER AND BETTER...GOD BLESS U AND LITTLE LINCOLN WITH FRIENDSHIP IN WIDOWHOOD JEN MILLER, KC, MO
Well, I think your pretty dang great.
Hey,
First off,I never ever said your a bad mom.Im sure your an excellent mom.I know your caring for and raising him like you should.I meant the grief your going thru and feeling is taking a toll and it does affect your boy in one way or another.This doesnt mean your a bad mom or not doing your job.I know I am digging myself a deeper hole,but what I meants is for you to try to have more effort in being happy again,yes its a short time and its more than difficult and like I said before time is the only thing really to help.but you need to mabe do things to make you happy.Yes you have made huge strides in the right directionand everyone has their own pace.I am so sorry if I hurt you or made it sound like your not a good mom because that was not my intent.I dont know you personally and can only comment on what is said thru your blog and I definately dont have the whole story.Your doing great and probably 200 times better than me if I were in your shoes.your doing great and your a great mom,and I just wish I had a magic wand to take your pain away.Please forgive me for the pain I have caused,it was not intended that way.Im sure your doing the best you can with what have to work with.I will keep praying for you and your family to get thru your struggles and grief.You are an amazing person and God has choosen the perfect mom for Lincoln(you),there are no mistakes there.I apologize again for anything that caused you more pain,Please forgive me.
Shawnsymoonbeam,
From my angry heart...You are a twit. Please go away and never return.
Sorry, I know this is not the "Christian" thing to say.
Before you married Keith I knew what an amazing mom you would be. Now that you have Lincoln I can see this each time I talk to you. You are an AWESOME mommy! You rock!
Cutter,
Actually, I think "twit" and "go away and never return" are OK responses. I might not have been so kind (you said "please") if I had chosen to respond to that person directly, Remember the Lord was not always "nice;" I recall him calling folks things like "hypocrites" and even "whitewashed tombs" when they deserved it.
Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation) "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. "
This verse came to mind when I was reading your post. I googled "tears in a bottle" and found this woman's blog - http://momrn2.blogspot.com/2006/03/truth-about-tears.html
Anyways - I thought her post was kind of appropriate and wanted to share it with you.
You ARE an awesome mom and friend! Thank you for being so truthful! I hope that you will begin to hear the faint sounds of joy songs making their way into your heart and that God might give you new dreams.
Psalm 126:5 (NIV) "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."
Stephanie,
A few months ago I stumbled onto your blog. It was four months after Keith died. Over a period of several days I went back and read your entire blog and wept repeatedly. I have never met you but as God would have it we have several connections. First we are both Stephanie's. My sister graduated from ACU the same day you did. Your parents go to church with some of our dear friends. And lastly, my husband works for L-3 but in another town. After I read your blog I realized my husband had heard about and told me about Keith. Around Chistmas he told me about a guy at L3 in Greenville who he used to talk to sometimes but who was on leave for being sick. And suddenly he died. I remember because he said the guy was married and had a baby a month or so older than our little girl. Having no idea who you were or that there was any church or ACU connection, I was struck by your tragedy. I hurt and prayed for you even then. After reading your blog and figuring out who you are... Well it broke my heart all over again!
Now I check in all the time although I don't think I have ever commented. But I have been so encouraged and AMAZED at your courage, honesty and determination to get up everyday and make it the best it can be for Lincoln. That is one extremely blessed little boy. You are doing a great job! You have lots to deal with and you are dealing with it better than most women your age (or any age) would. We are total strangers but I am so proud of you! Sadly, there are lots of babies in this world with two living parents that don't get half of the love, attention, and prayer cover that Lincoln does! I am so glad you have Lincoln and he has you! I tell you all this because I want you to know that God has put you on the hearts and minds of so many...even total strangers! You are so loved and so admired.
I'm sure the shawymoombeam lady thought she was being helpful. She wasn't. But as thoughtless as her comment was, maybe it was the best she had to offer. I think you did her a huge favor by standing up for yourself. Maybe she learned from this and won't try to make snap judgements or give condescending advice in poorly worded comments.
But it wasn't all bad because the blogger nation was quick to rise to defend you! It is always nice to know you are loved! OK this comment is a novel. Sorry. I'll stop. Just had speak up this time. We all know there is no way to take away the loss and pain you feel, but I hope it helps to know that many are rooting for you! :) Stephanie G
I think you are the GREATEST MOM!!! Don't let anyone's silly comments make you think otherwise. You are doing everything you should, need and can do for Lincoln. He will look back on day when he is older and understands the severity of the situation and know that his MOM is the GREATEST! He already knows that now! Keep up the good work and trust in God. Hey, and if you have time to put up a picture of Lincoln sometime...we would all love to see how much he is growing and changing! Enjoy the weekend! Take care.
Prayers from Kansas.
Stephanie,
I have kept up on your site throug Jennifer Ireland's blog. I am a single mother and have been since day one. My son is now 8. I pray for you and Lincoln as I do for myself and my son. Although I have not lost a spouse, my fiance cancelled our wedding so I am too grieving and hope and pray for the things you do. Stay strong and know God has a wonderful plan for you and your son.
I agree with Jenny! You have had to be TWO parents. I am so proud of your strength and grace as well as how you stood up for yourself! You have encouraged me to move through the grief I have had in my own life and I know your words have blessed many others! I will always remember you and Lincoln in my prayers.
In His love-
Jen
To your commentors,
Cutter & Ron.Did you see the apology???Also this is a free country with free speech.I meant her no harm nor pain.She is an excellent mother no question hands down.Instead of being rude to me and being unchristian like,you could have asked what I meant or said your opinion.You cant tell me what to do and if Stephanie doesnt want me to comment I wont,however I will not comment on her blog anymore because you guys take things the wrong way and you two are deep down twits in your own right.I will continue to pray for her happiness and her family.That God will bless them all the days of their lives.I apologize again Stephanie from the bottom of my heart.I am really not the cold ,mean person that you or your readers think I am.
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