It's finally Saturday. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to this glorious day. I always forget what the beginning of the year is like. I forget that their attention spans last for only 5-10 minutes at a time. I forget that they have no idea how to make or STAY in a line. I forget that they call me teacher, and if I do not respond right away, they say it again and again louder than the time before. I forget that some of the children test me over and over again because their parents aren't consistent with them at home. I forget that some children throw fits or start to cry when they don't get their way because that behavior has worked for them in the past. I forget that afterschool I feel like every ounce of energy has been drained from my body.
The past two weeks haven't been easy. Lincoln has done fabulous with the transition. I'm the one who is having trouble. There is always so much to do at the beginning of school. Each day I'm faced with the decision of:
1. Staying later than I would like at school.
2. Bringing work home and basically ignoring my child while I work.
I will stop here and say that my parents have been AWESOME. They have stepped in and helped. I feel like we practically lived there this past week. My problem is that I don't want to have to depend on them like that. I don't want to have to ask them if they can pick Lincoln up from school because I have another meeting. I don't want to be picking Lincoln up from their house after 5.
Right now, I'm struggling with the fact that MY child isn't getting the best of me. Life experiences have taught me that there are few guarantees in this life. I hate seeing Lincoln get "the short end of the stick." If there is ever a time when I question God as to why he allowed Keith to die, it's now and when Lincoln is sick. I've found myself looking up at the sky a few times this week asking, "Why?" I know that things will get better in another week or two. I am also confident that God is not finished working in our lives. I've just got to remind myself of that over, and over and over.
Well, my little dude finally woke up. I'm going to stop typing and start playing. : )
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7 comments:
I just sent my first child to 1st grade and really, I just want summer to return! It went by way too fast!...I was thinking about you the other day when I was reading this blog: tysonaschliman.blogspot.com
He recently lost his wife to cancer and, I don't know, I just thought that maybe you could find some comfort in his posts. Kindof similar circumstances, I guess.
Praying for you in Indiana.
Stephanie,
Thank you for getting Keith's mom to suggest making a blog for my mom's treatment and condition. When I went to church Sunday, I didn't have 200 people asking me about her. But the main reason I am writing, and I am hoping that I am not bringing up bad memories, but how did you cope with Keith when he wasn't in his right mind? Mom is going through this and Dad is about as his breaking point. It was bad enough that when he took her to the hospital over the weekend, they put her in ICU to control her. But it also gave Dad some time to rest.
I can sympathize with you on how you feel about being jealous. My thing is that Mom won't be around to see her first grandchild.
But thank you so much for this idea. A few have already left comments. It isn't a blog site like this, but on the church's website.
Thanks,
Jon Price
Hi Stephanie. I'm a regular lurker, but I trying to find the post you wrote a while back about grieving, and things to say (or not say) to someone who is grieving. I loved that entry, and think about it often. I have a friend that I think would enjoy reading it, but I can't find it in the archives. Do you remember when you wrote it?
Brandi, TN
Been thinking about you :)
Jon,
I really don't have any advice for you. Keith was never difficult or hard to handle. The hardest thing that I remember was when he was worried about not going to heaven. Thankfully, he worked through that and was at peace before he passed away. I will not deny that the meds did made him say some crazy things, but he remained kind and good natured till the end.
I'm so glad that you have found your blog to be helpful. I know it gets old telling the same update again and again. I pray that God will grant your family peace during this difficult time.
Stephanie
Brandi,
I think the post were on Jan. 4 and Jan. 12th.
Stephanie
Reading your post tonight has brought back so many memories of teaching kindergarten for 20 years! I have been praying for you, Stephanie. I believe that I was a very dedicated teacher, and sometimes...no, make that MANY times...I stayed at school until it got dark outside.
My kids (Shae & Rebecca)stayed with me in my classroom after school. Their dad worked on the railroad, so he was gone a lot, and I could not send them home on the bus to be with him in the afternoons very often.
Teaching kindergarten is very time-comsuming before and after school, since you don't have books and other student materials supplied by the county...and you have to 'make' a lot of it yourself. I understand your need to stay after school sometimes.
However, if I had that part of my life to do over, I hope that I would have stayed late 'less' and gone home on time 'more'.
After your first month of K. Classes, it should ease up some...and hopefully you can get in the routine of only staying one afternoon a week. I'll be praying for you to be able to spend more time with your precious little one, too.
Bless you two, Sisse Pfieffer (Shae's mom and Keith's neighbor from childhood)
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