It's been two months since Keith passed away. I wouldn't say my grief has gotten any easier. It is just different. These days I find myself picturing the old Keith. I can still picture him sick, but for the most part, I invision him well and happy. That in itself is a mixed blessing. When I picture Keith during those last days, it is easy to say that I was ready to let him go. He was hurting, and he was tired. Now that I picture him well, it's not so easy to be at peace with the fact that Keith isn't here with Lincoln and me.

I don't tear up everytime I think about him. I have been able to think of memories we shared and smile. There are still many triggers though. The other night I was reading to Lincoln. I got so choked up that I could barely speak. Keith wanted to read to our kids. He had the ability to make all kinds of fun voices. I remember thinking that our kids would never want me to read them a story. As I sat there with Lincoln, my heart just broke because Lincoln doesn't have a choice. I'm all there is. Another rough time was this past Sunday at church during the baby dedication. The parents walked up to the front with their children, and I had to do that alone.

I miss Keith more than words can say. I miss his presence in our house. I miss talking to him and sharing our dreams. I miss going to church with him and praying with him. I miss holding his hand and snuggling with him when I'm cold. I'm sure the list could go on and on.

This month is going to be hard. Of course there is the dreaded Valentine's Day. Keith's birthday is also this month. (I guess I should have typed "was" instead of "is." So many things changed with Keith's passing-even my verb tense) I've got plans with one of my favorite friends for Valentine's Day. It just so happens that Lincoln's checkup is schedule on Keith's birthday. I guess God knew I would need a reason to get out of the house.

IN OTHER NEWS
I got a call from the endocrinologist, and I now have hypothyrodism. Now my thyroid level is too low, which we knew would happen. The nurse is mailing me a prescription.

Lincoln is all over the place!!! He started pulling up on things. Today he managed to grab several pieces of cereal and actually get them in his mouth. We've been working on this for the past few days. In the beginning, I would hold out a piece of cereal, and he would just grab onto my arm with both of his hands and shove my hand toward his mouth.

Lincoln and I actually received money from social security. I am surprised that our claim was processed so fast. I had heard it could take years.

As for insurance, I am going to stay on COBRA. With my thyroid issues, it is the best option for now. Insurance is paying 100% minus a $30 copay. I am going to put Lincoln on something else, so that will save us a little money.