Yesterday was a really hard day. It wasn't one thing that sent me off. Instead, I think it was a combination of things. On our way to church, I saw someone drving a car just like Keith's car. Then in church we sang a song that was sung at Keith's memorial. I had grabbed one of Keith's bibles as we headed out the door yesterday. When I opened the bible during the sermon, I couldn't help but notice notes that Keith had made. It was all too much. I fought off tears as long as I could. I ended up having to walk out before church was over. When we got home, I lost it.

This is all so hard. Lately when I run into people, they say "you look great." I wish I felt great. I don't know how to explain how I feel. I know that I must "move on." In a way, I feel guilty for moving on. Maybe guilty isn't the right word. It's almost as if I'm erasing Keith from my life. His name isn't on the accounts, his clothes aren't in the dresser, his car isn't in the driveway. . . Soon I will be moving out of our house. It's like everything we shared is being taken away. I know I will always have memories and of course Lincoln, but sometimes that just doesn't feel like enough.